A Song of Silent Burning
by Aison Armigen
Summary: A 5 chapter tale of Axel, as told by Roxas. Slight AxelxRoxas. Contemplates Axel and how he's changed through time. Nobodies can feel, and change, and heal like others unlike what they have been told. They just have to believe it.
1. Verse 1

Hey all, I'm proud of this piece so I hope you like it. It's going to be part of my application for college, so please review! Like the summary says it's a three-five piece so there will be more just give me time. I procrastinate horribly.

Enjoy the AxelxRoxasness and moreso the Axelness.

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A Song of Silent Burning

-told in three parts.

Demyx had warned him that Axel was untouchable. He was above everything, touching the world only with his wit and his fiery chakrams. You don't talk to Axel, you don't make friends with Axel, you don't care about Axel.

"Trust me, you'll get burned," he had warned with a voice that hinted of past experience.

And Demyx, though slightly unstable and carefree, was sincere in his concealed fear. So it wasn't that Roxas didn't believe him.

It was just that the older man was so intriguing. He could match wits and insults with anyone but he would only sit in corners sometimes, and watch all that was going on with unreadable eyes.

Roxas wanted to know what the upside-down triangle tattoos meant under his eyes. He wanted to know if they stood out from his skin, that if he ran his fingers over them he would feel tiny ridges. He knew he couldn't touch Axel. But he could imagine it.

Rumors surrounded him, the Order's fiery assassin, willing and able to carry out unspeakable and horrific things. Rumors said that he was stronger than the Superior, that he had been the Superior's favorite once, that Saix replaced him for reasons unknown. That he couldn't remember his past, that he chose to be this willingly, that he hunted for fun. For the one that called the most attention to himself, he was also the one that was known about the least. He did not acknowledge anything said and never sought to explain himself.

Zexion told him that they had got used to him. How when not in a fight he was silent, and watched, and they all came to ignore him eventually, and let him be on his own. Don't bother to waste your time thinking about him, Zexion has reprimanded him, he's not thinking about you.

But who knew _what_ Axel was thinking about, with his silent ferocity and guarded eyes. He could be thinking more than any of them, contemplating existence and each of the Order and their missions constantly. How could anyone assume what he thought about when he didn't speak but harsh words? How could they say what he cared about?

Did Axel care about anything?... Was he the true type of Nobody that felt nothing, good nor bad, towards all he saw?

But Roxas knew that wasn't true, that Axel felt anger and hate and frustration. That much was very clear to Roxas when he watched him fighting, hidden in the allies, as Axel sought to eliminate his frustrations by tearing through the enemies around him. And Roxas would see his eyes flash with emotion and his mouth twisted into a snarl, and his movements, frantic frantic, not like when he was on a mission and calm, but twisting and writhing, faster and faster till he stopped, surrounded by blood and shadows, panting and limp, his eyes carrying defeat and disappointment. Looking like he lost a great deal, although entrenched by his enemies' corpses.

"Sometimes when it seems you win… you really lose," the red-head said, turning his intense green gaze to Roxas. "And sometimes it's not about the fight- it's about escaping it. And don't think so loud." Axel had turned and walked away, alone and weighted down.

Roxas wanted to know him. In every fiber of his being (or not being) he wanted to know him, be a part of him, be with him.

But Axel was untouchable.

So Roxas continued to spy and push his luck, watching Axel fight, watching Axel move, watching him watch others. And soon there were more rumors going around, still with the red-head at the center but now with an enthralled blue-eyed blonde involved as well. Neither seemed to notice.

As the time passed Roxas integrated himself more and more into Axel's patterns. He started to go out and fight with Axel, finding a kind of release in letting yourself go and mindlessly destroying. He would come out better than before but Axel would still seem less each time. He took to watching with Axel, sitting next to him and finding the patterns that his eyes moved in, and from that, learning information and secrets that others were careless in dropping, things that made Axel the master manipulator that he was. And the small comments Axel would sometimes say, whether they made sense to Roxas or not, encouraged him to start conversations, mostly talking to himself but sometimes getting a passing comment or the rare treat of being under that intense gaze when something Roxas said perked his attention.

And more time would pass.

Roxas would forget to be afraid of the 'uncaring killer', Axel would forget to be aloof, and both would talk in Axel's room, sometimes about their pasts and what they knew of them, sometimes the other members, and sometimes just what they thought or believed.

They had become a strange sort of friends without either knowing, both slipping into the thought process that the other had always been there, and always would be.

So when Axel was sent on missions Roxas didn't fear because he would come back. And when he did come back and ranted about the strength of the heart and keyblades and darkness before lapsing into an almost catatonic silence in his room, Roxas feared about the one he thought he knew, as he ignored Roxas and his worry and pleas for explanation. And when he wandered the halls of the castle and found himself at the Superior's door he felt as if he had been disillusioned this whole time and maybe they hadn't been close at all; so when the door opened and Xemnas himself beckoned him in he numbly stumbled forward, catching the smile on Xemnas's face when he closed the door, but not caring. And when Xemnas comforted him, telling him that his heart wasn't lost like theirs, that his heart was _real_ and out there and _alive_, Roxas's insides latched on to that piece of information, deciding at that moment he had to find this Sora, _had to_; that Sora's presence would make him whole, make him real, and then maybe Axel would love him, someone whole and complete and bright and full of life, life that would fill Axel too, and the both of them could be complete and they wouldn't need keyblades or darkness or fighting, and they wouldn't hurt.

But what Roxas didn't expect was Axel to be so against the idea, flat out stating it was useless.

"But… don't you want me to be complete?... Maybe… maybe then…."

"You can never be complete."

Roxas froze, disbelief and pain filling his eyes. Axel merely rolled his, then stared at Roxas, that unreadable expression back in his eyes.

"None of us can be. We are what we are and we can't change that. So don't bother going. It will accomplish nothing good."

Roxas's eyes filled more and he clenched his fists, wanting to hit Axel, wanting to force him to understand that he had to, he had to!

"I _will_ be complete," Roxas's voice soon lost the tremble that had been there and gained an edge to it. "I will be complete and whole and then I'll be strong and you won't have to fight, and I'll know how to help you and make you happy. I'll prove how good I am and you'll like me and want me like I do… because, I love you. And I will be complete."

Roxas was afraid to look up, afraid and unable to even fathom what Axel was feeling. He heard the soft sound of boots crossing the room, and then the utter shock of Axel's hand dropping on to his head, and lightly and ever so gently, ruffling the hair. Roxas's eyes rose in hope to see an open smile and unfeeling eyes. Axel's hand dropped.

"Stupid." His voice was flat and amused, the mocking tone reserved for others. "Stupid little boy. Love? You say you love? That weakness that humans have, that consuming useless fault? You love?" Axel laughed loud and mockingly. "The only reason you think you can lose is because your heart is still out there. Ours are gone. _Mine_ is gone. You feel echoes of what _Sora_ feels, nothing more. And we… _I_… feel nothing." Again he locked gazes and smiled. "Nothing at all."

"Liar." Roxas whispered heatedly, taking some demented pleasure in seeing Axel's look of surprise. "Liar. You can feel… I will show you you can. I will get my heart and come back and be the heart for both of us. You'll see."

Roxas moved forward swiftly and went to kiss Axel, confused for a moment when he found himself on the floor with his head ringing. Axel stared down at him, nothing in his face.

"No one can touch you, " Roxas muttered. "No one touches any part of you. But I know you can feel. I know you hurt. And I know your frantic intensity covers up your longing for more." Roxas stood, glaring at Axel. "And I will show you, and heal your pain."

"Stupid child! Let it go! It solves nothing! You know _nothing!_ You think you're so clever, that you'll be complete, you know nothing!"

Roxas stared at the angry man, his gaze mimicking the blank one Axel had worn.

"You're shaking."

Axel stared at him.

"You're shaking because you're upset. So don't try to tell me you don't feel." Roxas turned around and walked to the door. "I'm going to find Sora. I'm going to be complete. And then I'll come back. Then you can tell me that I only feel echoes of love."

Roxas walked out, not seeing how Axel's head hung down and not hearing him say brokenly,

"I do feel… you will find him… you will be complete… but you won't come back to me."

_Verse 1 – End._


	2. Chorus

Chorus:

For ones called incomplete and ones that are so sad

Leaving the ones they love takes all they have

Returning to what was is not an option

Continuing their so-called existence is out of their hands

Living what life they have

How

When the thing that truly gave them life is gone

What's a Nobody to do?

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Gomen-nasai mina-san! I know it's been forever and a day but I'm really working on the next chapter so you all will like it so please have a little more patience. From this point on the game is moot and my imagination runs wild so please keep that in mind.

Gomen!


	3. Verse 2

Hey its been forever right? I'm sorry. Sorta in the process of moving but I would like to finish this this week if possible.

I don't really know if this is good or not so feedback is highly appreciated. Was it better as a one shot or does this go with it? I don't kow if I stayed with the theme as well as I could.

Well, anyway, enough of my rambling. Enjoy the angsty love!

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A Song of Silent Burning  
-told in three parts

It seemed millennia had already passed, walking and searching, forgetting why he left, wishing he was back, wishing the other was there. But what good would that do? What good would anything do anymore?... _Axel_….

"Where are you?... What are you doing now?" Roxas tilted his head down, staring at the grey ground. He had been walking in the grey for… he didn't know how long. Ever since leaving Twilight Town he had been confused, had lost hope. Namine had said it would go away, that it was side-effects from the memory wipe. She would know, he supposed.

He just wished he had met Sora.

He had came all this way to hear that he had missed him by a day, _a day,_ while he was getting his memory back Sora had woke up and left. Damnit. Just damnit.

He was starting to remember why he never dealt with humans. They messed things up. Stealing him, wiping his memory to give to Sora, going to give his _body_ to Sora so _Sora _could be complete, and they would have succeeded if not for Namine. The memory witch wasn't half bad.

He chuckled cynically. He would never be complete. Sora was Sora, the original, and non-existent ones had no place in that. There was no point to their existence. No reason for them to continue. No emotions flooding them to fill them with the passion of life. Yeah. Axel was right. They felt nothing. They were nothing.

Nothing.

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Remembering that time period Roxas wondered how he ended up on a kitchen floor with tears running down his face with a green-haired girl comforting him. How did one get from that place to this one?

In truth it was simple.

Roxas had went to Castle Oblivion to find only traces of almost half the Order's scent. They were dead or gone. Marluxia, Larxene, Zexion, Lexaeus, Vexen. Axel. They hadn't been there for awhile. He even risked returning to The World That Never Was, to find it in ruins and empty, and the Order gone. He didn't understand. What had happened?

Of course he put it together later. Sora, the unconquerable hero, destroyed the villains and went home happy with a job well done. Never thinking, Roxas assumed, that those villains could feel and truly only wanted to be complete, even if they went about it in wrong ways. Sora only saw in black and white. Well, the Order was the gray, they weren't bad, "true" Keyblade Master, but it didn't matter now. They were all gone. Axel was gone.

So Roxas had kept going. Kept walking. After awhile, maybe years, he didn't know, he seemed to be okay. He had came full into his powers. He was Keyblade Master and Order member, and nothing could take him. He was okay. He was alive, complete or not, although what was completeness anyway but something that people told you about to make you feel worse about yourself. Maybe they all would have been okay, without being complete, if Xemnas had just let it go and let them be. It would have been okay.

But it didn't matter. Roxas was okay.

At least he was. Going through worlds, finding out new things, destroying enemies. It was an exciting life, if not a fulfilling one. He was occupied and busy, and that left small time for thinking about what was, _Axel_, what could have been, _Axel_, what should have been…. _Axel_…. Maybe there was too much time to think.

And then going through a non-descript dimension, getting caught in a few squabbles, talking a bit, learning that at least some of the Order had survived. Following this aqua-haired girl home, only to find that Axel, _his_ Axel, was there and fine. They had no words for each other and Axel had went outside. But Axel was alive. Alive and happy, if it was to be believed.

Was there any doubt why Roxas was on the floor crying now? He was overjoyed at Axel, and how he was. But also, because he wasn't his Axel anymore. Roxas wasn't the one making Axel happy, even though Roxas promised, even though he went away to do so. He had failed. He hadn't been able to do it. Make Axel happy. Keep him safe. Make him smile.

And the one that had succeeded was devoting her attentions to comforting _him_. Roxas didn't know what to feel. He was just overwhelmed, and slowly his eyes closed as he drifted off to sleep.

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"He's cute."

"Always was."

"Why'd you leave him?"

"He left me."

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Life went on, even for those who don't truly live.

To Roxas, it didn't seem like he had changed at all. To everyone else, he was wise and mature and pure. To Axel, it seemed Roxas didn't need him. To Axel, they were from different worlds and their time together had ended. To Roxas, Axel was as beautiful as ever, even more so now that he smiled on a regular basis.

Axel didn't seem to have that weight on him anymore, the one that used to drive him crazy to the point where he would hunt out Heartless to fight simply to distract his mind from whatever plagued him. He seemed sad still, lost maybe, but not hopeless. Not without.

Roxas wanted that. He wanted to know what had caused that. And if he could help him more.

"So you're Roxas." The girl was Ai, and currently the both of them were trapped in small talk over doing the dishes.

"…Yeah." He didn't know what to make of this girl. She seemed nice enough; sort of crazy, sort of funny, a little violent, and had a lot of people living with her. She ran an inn for people that knew her. He didn't really _know _how everyone knew her but….-

"He's talked about you a lot," she said laughing.

Roxas raised his eyebrows. "Is that a lie?"

Ai looked at Roxas with gold eyes. "Why would I lie?"

"Axel…" Roxas looked down. "Axel wouldn't talk about me. He doesn't care about me."

"Could have fooled me. You weren't best friends?"

Roxas blinked and looked up in surprise. "He… said that…?"

Ai went back to washing dishes. "Yeah. He said you were the only cool guy in the Order. That you guys were close, like brothers or something."

_Close._ The word rang in Roxas's head, making him disoriented. Axel said they had been close. He continued staring at nothing, pondering what he had been told. Maybe… Axel had cared….

"Yo."

Axel sauntered in from outside and slumped in a chair. Roxas stared, still not comprehending. Had it been that long? For Axel to go from that violent and quiet saddened Nobody to this partially depressed being with a sense of humor that could actually pass as a person. He felt _more_. He was more. Roxas knew it. _But…_

"What're you staring at? Am I that pretty?" Axel laughed and smiled at Roxas. "You okay?"

Roxas quickly blinked. "Y…yeah. I'm fine." He tossed the dishtowel down. "I'm going to go outside." He stumbled from the kitchen, oblivious to the people surrounding him.

Axel. The man had been a constant in Roxas's life, even if Axel himself was inconstant. He was always the one in front of him. Protecting him, teaching him, walking ahead. Axel was what Roxas wanted to be. Axel was who Roxas wanted to be with, be next to. Axel was what Roxas had strove to heal.

And here he was, and here he was. And yet, Roxas felt like the shattered one, the more incomplete being. He wanted Axel to be happy, because of him, _but…._

"Roxas."

Roxas turned quickly, forgetting the tears in his eyes. Axel leaned against the doorway to the house, his slender being framed by the light within. Axel's question came back into Roxas's mind. _"Am I that pretty?"_ By any god, yes, Axel was beautiful. He wished time would just stop, and he could stay there forever, watching him, watching him watch him with actual care in his eyes. Something Roxas had never seen before.

"Roxas… are you okay?" Axel came closer, his eyebrows knitted together in concern, but his body language tensed, as if he didn't know how to act.

Roxas thought to turn from him but the act seemed impossible. He couldn't stop staring at Axel as he came out of the light. "…And if I said I wasn't?"

Axel stopped and glanced down. "I'd ask what you would need to be okay."

Roxas coughed out a laugh before he could stop himself. What he needed to be okay? Axel. _But maybe…_

Roxas shook his head. Axel reached out his hand for a moment then hesitated. He pulled back. Ai's laughing voice flowed out of the house into the night. Axel turned halfway to look in the door.

"What is she to you?" Roxas's question surprised the both of them; they both looked up with a look of escape in their eyes.

Roxas didn't want to know, because once he knew, once Axel told him he couldn't pretend anymore. Once it was said, once the words were formed, he couldn't keep hoping. Axel was content, Axel was okay. That was what Roxas wanted, more than anything. But he wanted to be the one to make him happy. He wanted to be that special person. He wanted to be Axel's heart. _But…_

Axel walked towards him. Instantly Roxas was reminiscent, remembering another time, another place, when Axel walked towards him with cold eyes. With fear lacing through him, Roxas looked up. Axel's eyes were full of caring.

_But… was it too late?... _

Arms wrapped around Roxas, wiry arms that were strong and secure and safe, arms that pulled him close and held him so firmly Roxas wished he would never be let go…

Demyx had warned him that Axel was untouchable. But what if he touches you?

Roxas slowly extended his arms around Axel, slowly gently before he lost his composure and grabbed Axel, squeezed him, held his coat in fisted hands as if that would keep him, that would make him his, that would make this moment last, make it last forever, _please_…. _Don't go away. Don't leave me like I left you._

Roxas didn't know how much time had passed, how long he cried silently in Axel's arms, still disbelieving that he was being held. But slowly both grips lessened and Roxas's arms fell to his sides.

Axel leaned down and kissed the top of Roxas's head, in the same place Axel had once ruffled the blonde's hair, before placing his chin on top of Roxas's head.

"She is… my salvation."

Roxas tensed, his body felt sick, he needed to leave, he needed to get away, away from here, away, no, nononononono…..

Axel leaned back so he could look down into Roxas's eyes, which pleaded that same no, repeatedly with each tear that spilled.

"But you…"

Roxas didn't breathe, he just stared as Axel softly smiled.

"You were my first love."

Roxas's looked away. He didn't… understand. Axel caught his eyes again, and smiled.

"You were my first love. Before you came into my… non-existence… that's all I was. Non-existent. I cared about nothing. What did it matter if I truly faded away? When you came along… for the first time I felt… happiness. Amusement. Joy. When you left… I learned the opposite emotions. I feared you leaving! I thought if I scorned you, you wouldn't go… or if you did since I was harsh, I wouldn't hurt as much…." Axel looked down and took a breath.

"I loved you then. More then you might know. Without… experiencing that, I would never have continued on. I would never have gotten to this point. Because of you, coming into my life, enhancing it… I'm here today. I'm what I am."

Axel looked back up at Roxas, serious. "She is my salvation. But you were my redemption."

Roxas couldn't speak.

Axel released his hold on Roxas, then turned toward the door. "If you hate me, if you're angry… I'm sorry. But Roxas… stay. Stay with us. With me."

He turned to look back. Roxas had hung his head. Axel opened his mouth to say something but was cut off by Roxas barreling into his arms again.

A choked sob: "I love you!"

Axel slipped his arms around the clinging boy. "I know." He pet Roxas's hair absentmindedly. "And somewhere inside me, I still do as well."

After a moment, Roxas pulled back and wiped his eyes. Another peal of laughter fled the house. He had left once, when he was unknowingly loved. Would he leave again, just because the person he loved didn't love him? He looked past Axel.

"I'll stay, this time." He looked at Axel. "I'll stay here, with you both."

_Verse 2 – End._


	4. Bridge

Bridge:

If you don't have a heart,  
How can your heart feel like its breaking?  
If you don't have a heart,  
How can your heart fill to where it might burst?  
If you don't have a heart,  
How can your heart call out to others and they respond?

If you don't have a heart,  
How can your heart feel like its breaking?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Hey. I have no excuses for the length of time this "short story" has been taking. But here's the bridge, and the final verse is being worked on now.  
Forgive me, I'll try to make it good.


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